You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
