So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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