Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
