i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
