She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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