did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
it's like heaven, but drunker
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
