you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize