Christians are straight up FREAKS
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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