Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
