Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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