u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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