Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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