My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She's the barista slut.
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It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
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DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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