I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
