We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
