i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
