where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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