return my video game
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
