My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
