She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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