i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
