i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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