I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
