It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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