apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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