You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
