tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We have so much sex to catch up on
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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