and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
