I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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