He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
