After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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