he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
