I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
