Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
