I accidentally had phone sex last night
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
