it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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