I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
