She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
