i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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