dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
