my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
