Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
