Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
