Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
