This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
