hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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