ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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