i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
