so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
