She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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