9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just forgot I was standing up.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
