Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
