Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
