If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
