Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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