you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
