I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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