When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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