He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
