I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
