real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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