I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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