Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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