I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
