Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i've created a new STD.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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