Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
