Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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