I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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