I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
