Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
