Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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