wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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