I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I puked a lego.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
