this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I FOUND THE LEGS
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
